Core values for a man

After 15 years of doing men’s work…

After 15 years of doing men’s work, and learning myself, I came up with this list that I think are (should be) the core values for any man.

1. Self-Care

Prioritize your well-being. Stay well-rested, mentally healthy, and establish routines that keep you grounded.

Example: Book a solo weekend in the woods with a good book - take time to recharge, contemplate, and relax.

2. Brotherhood

Join a men’s group for honest sharing and feedback. Grow through deep, accountable conversations.

Example: Seek out a men’s group where you can openly share the struggles you face in life and receive honest, sometimes brutal feedback from other brothers. Honesty and depth should be the core of these conversations, allowing you to grow and be held accountable by others who understand your journey.

3. Integrity

Uphold strong moral principles. Be honest and consistent in all aspects of life.

Example: Stick to your word and follow through on commitments, even when it’s difficult. Learn to apologize if you mess up, and choose the right path each time.

4. Presence

Be fully attentive in the moment. Engage directly, without distractions or overthinking.

Example: With your partner, look her in the eyes, avoid distractions like your phone, and learn to stay out of your head when you’re together. Be a rock - a steady, ever-present, deep man.

5. Protection

Ensure the safety and well-being of your loved ones.

Example: Be aware of your surroundings when out together and take proactive steps to ensure her safety.

6. Dominance

This may be a little politically incorrect, but for me, being dominant is very natural - perhaps for you too. Don’t suppress it; lead confidently and assertively, staying true to your nature.

Example: Take the lead in decision-making at work, in relationships, and in the bedroom, especially during challenging situations.

7. Emotional Stability and Availability

Maintain composure and be emotionally open, offering calm support in challenging situations.

Example: Come on, guys, get your shit together. When a woman goes into drama, don’t get all confused. If you stay emotionally stable and relaxed, you can handle pretty much anything, while also being there for her emotional support. She just needs someone to authentically hear, listen to her.

8. Financial Stability

Secure your finances and manage resources responsibly.

Example: Get a proper job, or start a company. Set aside savings and have a plan for long-term financial security.

9. Responsibility

Take charge of essential tasks and fulfill your obligations.

Example: You are 100% responsible for your life - don’t blame others or slip into victim mode.

10. Sexual Awareness

Understand your sexuality deeply. Embrace or learn about Tantra, avoid superficial sex, and integrate all aspects of your sexual nature - even the darker ones.

Example: Learn to control your orgasm so you can have sex for hours. Tantra can help with that (find a reputable school, not a fluffy one). Embrace your darker sides - if you’re a little kinky (I know I am! :), integrate it. Learn about consent and healthy ways to express your deeper, natural tendencies. Don’t watch porn. There’s no judgment here; it just doesn’t help you at all.

11. Spiritual and Relationship Growth

Cultivate a spiritual practice and foster growth in your relationship.

Example: Take up meditation, read about spiritual topics - anything from David Deida to Sam Harris. Use your relationship for growth, and do activities together that deepen your connection.

12. Clear Boundaries

Know and uphold your boundaries. Be direct and firm in maintaining them.

Example: Clearly communicate your limits, and don’t tolerate repeated boundary crossings without addressing them.